Heaven help us that we’ve reached this point: where the legacy of a blatant B-movie retread like 1996’s Independence Day can be looked upon fondly, especially in light of a sequel. I have no interest in holding the original film up to some American Film Institute-level standard; the campy Roland Emmerich original is a classic because it knew its place as a piece of hyperbolic, chest-thumping sci-fi fun.

But what happens when the original film’s creator doesn’t know how to make the “fun” happen anymore? Well, that’s when you get Independence Day: Resurgence, the long-teased, finally-here sequel that suffers from the odd issue of hewing too closely to its predictable source material without repeating a single good note. Abandon any hopes for the last film’s cheesy-yet-inspiring President Bill Pullman. Don’t get your hopes up for a comically cocky fighter pilot or an abrasive and darkly funny super-nerd. And prepare yourself for phoned-in dialogue and action set pieces so underwhelming that you’ll swear you’ve tuned into a high-budget porno film—albeit one that distinctly lacks anything in the way of sex. Or fun.

No two actors can replace Will Smith, apparently

It’s 2016 in America, and our country is kickin’ it with a female president, a smattering of low-flying transportation and surveillance aircraft, a strong alliances with the world’s greatest nations (even Russia!), and a fully operational moon base. Life’s pretty sweet these days, so long as you don’t have a chip on your shoulder about your parents dying when a bunch of aliens messed your planet up in 1996 (which, conveniently enough, most of this film’s heroes have in common).